


When you're homophobic, but not really.

by SarcasticFallenAngel



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Also the author aka me can't title, Christine is a very good friend, Christine is the best wingman ever, Christine is the mom friend, Fluff, Gay, Honestly this is mostly dialoge, Jeremy is so gay for Michael even if he doesn't know it, Jeremy is so oblivious, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Michael is just as oblivious, Post-Squip, and her advice is life saving, itty bitty sprinkle of angst, michael is happy, sorry about that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-11-16 06:50:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11248545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarcasticFallenAngel/pseuds/SarcasticFallenAngel
Summary: Jeremy isn't homophobic....or at least he thinks he isn't. What said otherwise was the fact that seeing his best friend Micheal getting romantic with another dude made him sick. He doesn't want to feel that way, he wants Michael to be happy. But the sinking feeling in his stomach isn't going anywhere.





	When you're homophobic, but not really.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!~  
> Guess who's back at it again with their horrible fics. Yep, it's me.  
> Anyways, and like always, this could honestly be better but eh.  
> I hope you enjoy, regardless of my non-existant ability to write something decent.  
> Before I forget, I haven't thoroughly proof read this so I apologize for any mistakes/typos/etc.

Jeremy Heere wasn't homophobic. Not at all. It's true that he wasn't very informed on the LGBT community and all the terms associated with the people who integrate it, but that didn't mean he was narrow-minded. He had the idea that who other people loved or were attracted to wasn't a matter of gender or sex, it was simply a fact of loving or feeling attracted to each other. That being said, he just hated the view in front of him, not because he was homophobic but because he simply hated it for _reasons_. 

It was lunch time and Jeremy was talking with Michael about how they could beat the level of _apocalypse of the damned_ in which they had been stuck for about 3 days now. Fortunately or Unfortunately, depending on how you saw things, the rest of the gang were caught up in their own business so they couldn't join the duo that day. Like we previously mentioned. Jeremy was talking animatedly with his best friend until some dude that neither of them knew approached their table. Said guy began talking to Michael before plain out starting to flirt with him, completely ignoring Jeremy as if he wasn't even there from the beginning. This scenario would have confused and made both of them awkward if it weren't for the fact that Micheal had _come out of the closet_ to the whole school not so long ago. Surprisingly enough there hadn't been as much fuzz over it as Jeremy had thought there would be. But that was mainly due to having the rest of the  _squip squad_ -as Rich had titled them- coming out as well and having each other's back.

Now, back to the current situation, It's not that Jeremy was homophobic, but seeing his best friend actually blushing even if it was just slightly, at the pickup lines and suggestive comments of some random dude made his insides turn.

It was absurd, he knew it was, Michael was gay and he accepted that. He wouldn't ever hate his best friend just because he was into dudes, hell even he could admit that a certain guy would get his attention from time to time. But the fact that the sight of said best friend flirting with another guy made him sick was irrefutable. Before his sudden bad mood could ruin things for Micheal he decided to simply go away, he owed him that at least. A low and almost inaudible _I'll be back_ , poured out of his lips as his feet dragged him out of the overcrowded cafeteria. What he said was a lie, he wouldn't be back but he still said it since it had become a habit to him. After the Squip incident, many awkward and uncomfortable talks, not to mention even more crying and apology sessions, Jeremy took it upon himself to prove to Micheal with actions rather than words that he wasn't leaving him alone ever again; announcing that he'd be back, even if he wasn't, was one of said actions that thankfully seemed to ease Micheals anxiety and fear. He knew that his friend would confront him about his sudden disappearance later that day, but he could make up something even if he wasn't all that great of a liar.

After navigating the empty hallways for a while and not thinking of a good spot to go to, he decided to simply sit on the staircase until lunch was over. Jeremy almost threw himself down said stairs when he felt someone's hand on his shoulder as they sat next to him out of nowhere. Turning around he found not Micheal, but none other than Christine who offered a soft smile.

 

"I saw you in the cafeteria." She explained seeing the confusion in her friends' eyes. " Do you want to talk about it?"

 

 "I don't know what you're talking about." Jeremy replied a bit too fast, averting his eyes to the floor. Yeah, well played Jeremy, not suspicious at all. 

 

 "Jeremy, you know what I'm talking about." He did, he just didn't want to face it. "Are you uncomfortable with Michaels sexuality?

 

 "No! Of course not! He's my best friend, I couldn't care less if he likes boys or girls, or both, or neither." The pale teen explained finally meeting the others gaze. "I just... I just don't like it. And I know, or at least I thought I wasn't homophobic. I mean, I see other gay and lesbian couples and I don't really think anything about it. O-Or at least nothing hateful." Besides he thought it would be a bit hypocritical on his part, seeing that a few days prior he had been thinking about the possibility of him being bisexual.

 

 "But it's different with Michael." Christine affirmed, receiving a short nod from the taller teen who was brought back to reality by her words.

 

 "Yes! And I don't know why! I simply can't stand seeing him flirting with a guy or thinking about him kissing some dude. And, I really don't want to feel like this. He's my friend for fuck's sake! I don't want to you know...hate him?" He sighed in exasperation, running one of his hands through his hair. It wasn't the first time he felt like that, but that didn't make him feel any less shitty about it.

 

 "But do you really hate him?"

 

"Well...um no, I just-" 

 

"You hate seeing him with some guy."

 

"Yeah!"

 

"Okay...what about a girl?"

 

"What do you mean?" Heere tilted his head to the side, confusion written all over his face.

 

"I mean, do you feel you would hate seeing Michael doing the same but with a girl?"

 

"What does that have to-"

 

"Just answer Jeremy." Christine interrupted. "Imagine Michael doing the same things but with a girl, would you still hate it?"

 

"I...no? I-I don't know, I mean it would just be him and her going on dates. Doing couple things like making out or holding hands in public, having late night calls...catching the others full attention and..." As he began to recount everything he knew or at least thought that couples did together, imagining Michael with a random girl, the more uncomfortable he felt. Words falling short as he began feeling even more confused. Why did those scenarios still bothered him so much?

 

"And...?" A friendly voice prompted.

 

"And, that doesn't sound any less horrible?" With brows furrowed in confusion and thought, Jeremy slowly began to panic.

 

"Oh my-" There was a little grin tugging at Christine's lips as she spoke. 

 

"Wait! What the hell is wrong with me!? Shouldn't that make me less uncomfortable to imagine?" It was Jeremy's time to interrupt, looking back at the black haired girl, unable to comprehend why he was feeling what he was feeling at the moment.

 

"Well not really. At least now you know that you aren't homophobic." A quick shrug followed her words.

 

"Yeah but I also don't want to see Michael with some girl!? What the hell does that mean!?" _It means you can't stand seeing your friend happy_ _because that's just how selfish you are._ A voice at the back of his head sneered making his panic grow. He took a deep breath and tried to steady himself. He wasn't going to let his intrusive thoughts ruin things right now, he needed and would get answers.

 

"Oh my god Jeremy, are you really THAT oblivious?" It was inevitable for her not to laugh, even when Jeremy was shooting her a half-hearted glare.

 

"Oblivious of what!? Christine please I-I don't understand." And he really didn't. His free hand has at some point gone down to his shirt, fingers worrying the blue hem.

 

"Oh god, you are! I really feel sorry for Michael"

 

"What?"

 

"Nothing, nothing." He wasn't convinced but decided not to pry.

 

"Alright, you don't like seeing Michael with other guys, but you're not homophobic."  Christine confirmed, knowing she'd have to guide Jeremy step by step into understanding his feelings. The things she had to do to help out her friends.

 

"Yeah, but I also don't like imagining him being with a girl?" He half questioned, half affirmed. This didn't seem to be leading him to any sort of answer.

 

"Exactly! Now, what does that tell us?" There was expectation in those words. Maybe Jeremy wasn't so oblivious, she hoped.

 

"That I'm a bad friend and that I simply can't stand seeing my best friend be happy with someone?" Or maybe he was. 

 

"Okay, we've just descended into self-loathing at an alarmingly fast pace." Christine declared frowning at the direction that the topic had taken.  "No, it doesn't mean you can't stand seeing Michael being happy with someone. It means that you can't stand him being happy with someone who isn't..." Her hands made little circular motions as if this would help the other teen get out the right words.

 

"Who isn't...?" Jeremy repeated her last words, looking as clueless as if he was trying to solve a trigonometric problem. 

 

"Your obliviousness is painful did you know that?" A soft sigh escaped Christine's lips, but she couldn't be _that_ frustrated with her friend. She knew the guy was painfully oblivious by nature and not intentionally. "You! You can't stand imagining Michael being happy with someone who isn't you!"

 

"What!? No! Chris, we're best friends, I WANT him to be happy." Jeremy affirmed, looking at his friend like she ha just grown a second head in front of him.

 

"Of course you do. But you want it to be with you! Jeremy, you're Jealous." 

 

"What! Of course not! Why would I be jealous!?" Why would he, indeed. He was probably bisexual but he was pretty damn sure he would die of embarrassment and nervousness if some guy started to flirt with him. So there was no reason to be jealous of Micheal. 

 

"Because you love Michael that's why! You can't stand seeing him with a guy, and imagining him with a girl doesn't help either because you are jealous."  ' _Oh...'_ he thought. ' _that makes a bit more_ _sense.'_

"I'm not jealous! I...I can't be jealous?" But, what if he _was._ Jeremy had never thought about it much in that sense, but what if Christine was right? What if he actually was Jealous because he liked Michael. Michael Mell his friend since forever. The one person he could always trust in and that he knew would never make fun of his problems or insecurities. The boy he had shared anything and everything with. The same boy that he sometimes looked at for longer than it should. The one that made him think 'what would it be to kiss him'. Who's lips looked so soft and who's laugh would come out as a half snort, sounding cuter than it should. The one who made him lie awake some nights simply thinking of how lucky he was to have him in his life. Micheal, who was always warm and who would make him feel better with a hug and...no, that couldn't be right. Those were things one would do and think about after so many years of friendship with someone, right?

 

"I...but he's-" Words failed him.

 

"Your best friend, I know. But it's also clear that you're pinning on him, Hard."

 

"No! We're just Bros we've been like that since-"

 

"Since a long time. But things have changed haven't they?" 

 

"They... They have?" They had, they really had. After the whole Squip Incident and more specifically the Issue that happened in Jake's Halloween party, things between him and Micheal hadn't been the same as before. He knew they wouldn't. He and Michael had talked and at times argued about that day when he had called the Filipino boy a 'loser'. They had fixed things as best as possible. Yes, Micheal had forgiven him even if he was still hurt. Hell, he was sure he'd always be hurt about that night for the rest of his life, maybe not as much as he had been in the first place, but still hurt. Jeremy couldn't and didn't blame him, he himself had tormented and beaten himself for months about the whole ordeal. But in the end, things had worked out. What was done couldn't be undone, both of them knew that. What passed was in the past and since Jeremy had gotten a second chance, he made sure to earn Micheals trust once again and assure him not only by words but also by actions, that he wouldn't make the same mistake twice. He wouldn't let himself do the same mistake twice because those month without his best friend were the loneliest that he had ever felt in his life. Even with the new friends and his whole new social status in school, it all felt pretty much  _numb._

And here is where things had changed. Since the whole Squip Incident was over, he felt scared of losing Micheal than he ever felt before. His dread has reached a level in which if he thought about losing Micheal for too long he would inevitably end up having a panic attack that would last for a good while.  At first, he had blamed it on the long time he had spent acting like a complete douche bag by ignoring his best friend. ' _It's simply the nostalgia and guilt'_  he would tell himself. But he soon realized it wasn't that. He now felt that their relationship was just a tad bit unfulfilling, that he wanted more, something that he didn't know how would assure him the Mell wouldn't leave him. As time went by and things between them got back to their  _normal state,_ Jeremy found himself longing for more intimate sort of interactions with his friend. It all started with him wondering what it would feel like to hold the others hand in his just for the hell of it. Said thought slowly escalating until he was embarrassed by what his mind was imagining and the redness of his face could put any tomato to shame.

"Oh my fucking God I like Michael!?" The realization hit him like a bucket of cold water, it was sudden and very sobering. His hand was once again nervous, and almost frantically, combing through his hair. He liked Michael,  _He liked Michael!_

 

"Finally." Christine muttered, being unable to believe someone was  _that_ oblivious.

 

"Don't 'Finally' me, what am I going to do!?" Once again panic and dread filled up his entire system. Feeling as if he had just committed a huge crime and was now being tracked down by every authority on the planet.

 

"What do you mean?" It was Christine's turn to tilt her head in confusion to the others words.

 

"About me liking Michael. Michael fucking Mell, my best friend since forever! What am I supposed to do now! What if...what If I ruin our friendship!? And what if he...what If he's uncomfortable with me liking him and...and leaves me!? And oh god he's going to hate me, isn't he!? I've betrayed his trust an-"

 

"Okay okay Jeremy, honey. Calm down. You are not ruining anything alright?" Christine intervened before Heere could have a panic attack, placing both of her hands on Jeremy's shoulders, making him turn enough so they were facing each other. "Okay now, breath In..." She filled her lungs with air slowly, her friend mimicking the action. " And out." Both of their breaths came out slow and drawn out. "You okay now?" She asked, getting a couple of nods and a  _yeah I'm fine now_ as an answer.

 

"But Chris what if-" Jeremy began again, not even 5 minutes after being calmed down by his friend and stage buddy.

 

"No, listen. Michael has been your friend since forever, you've been together through high and low, right?" Jeremy nodded, letting Canigula speak. "If he didn't leave you after the whole Squip thing, then I'm sure he won't leave you just because you're in love with him." ' _Besides it's darn obvious he has heart eyes for you too_ ' she wanted to say but opted to just think it to herself instead. 

 

"I guess...I guess you're right." Jeremy admitted after a long silence between them in which he had been rethinking things and making himself reason. It was true, Michael and he had been through high and low, the Squip incident just proved that they had a really strong bond. Not that all of that mattered to Jeremy's intrusive thoughts, which he was trying to ignore as best as he could. He had accepted the fact that he liked Micheal and he was ready to prove those feelings in due time.

 

"Of course I'm right. Now we need you to prove it to yourself by telling Michael."  Or maybe he wasn't so ready as he thought he was.

 

"What? No! It's too soon I just realized I like him and you want me to go and tell him not even 10 minutes later!?"

 

"Well the sooner the better.That way you don't have to stress over it and also get an immediate answer. Besides, in the worst case, he doesn't feel the same and you just continue being the bestest of friends." She had a point.

 

"And, in the best case, you two end hooking up."

 

"But I don't think I can-"

 

"I know you **can** Jeremy. Besides Michael is one of the few, if not the only person you can always talk to without doubts, right?"

 

"Right..." He got off the floor, offering his hand to help his friend stand up as well. "Thank you, Christine. I really needed to sort this out."

 

"I know you did, I was more than glad to help you out." Her gaze was on her clothes as she undusted them but her smile was clearly directed to Jeremy.

 

"Okay, one last thing. Was it...was it very obvious to the rest? How I felt about Michael that is..." He cocked an eyebrow, hoping that the answer he was about to get wasn't the one he imagined.

 

"It was the living representing of 'the elephant in the room' " The answer he got was worse than he had imagined.

 

"Oh god. That bad!?" His hands went up to cover his reddening face, almost as if he could rub off the embarrassment he was feeling.

 

"Yep. But that doesn't matter right now. Michael was equally clueless like you about it." The bell rang just perfectly in time with the end of their conversation. "Now that's enough chit chat, go get em, tiger."

 

"Please don't ever say that again. Like, what are you? My father?"

 

"Nah, I'm your mother and you better obey me if you know what's good for you."

 

"Mhm, if you say so."

 

"Teenagers these days." At that the two ended cracking up, receiving a few side glances from the students that began to fill the hall as they scurried to their respective classes.

 

"Right, I'm doing it. I'll text you later and tell you how everything went, okay?"

 

"Okay, good luck. Although I'm sure you don't really need it."

 

"I hope so." Jeremy smiled with nervousness coursing through his veins, although the determination and adrenaline outweighed it. "Thank you. Really, thank you."

 

 

HeereIsHere started messaging LightsDramaChris

 _HeereIsHere:_ Okay so, I did it.

 _LightsDramaChris:_ OMG! I knew you could! So, how did it go?

HeereIsHere has sent a picture

 _LightsDramaChris:_ Jeremy!!! Is that what I think it is!!!???

 _HeereIsHere:_ Michael kissing me? Yeah, it is.

 _LightsDramaChris:_ I'm so happy for you two! Also, told you so~

 _HeereIsHere:_ Yeah yeah I know, you were right Christine.

 _LightsDramaChris:_ Like hell I was! But, one question Who took the picture?

 _HeereIsHere:_ Oh well uh...long story short

 _HeereIsHere:_ Rich showed up out of the blue and began taking pictures

 _HeereIsHere:_  He went full on paparazzi before we could stop him

 _LightsDramaChris:_ oh...I'll ask him for the rest of the pictures~

 _HeereIsHere:_ Please don't!

 _LIghtsDramaChris:_ too late for that!

 _HeereIsHere:_   uuuughhhhhhh whyyyyyyyyy

 _LightsDramaChris:_  Okay but really, I'm very happy for you two. You're totally cute together.

 _HeereIsHere:_ Thanks, Chris. For your help and all.

 _LightsDramaChris:_ 't was nothing.

 _LightsDramaChris:_ Now stop texting me and go snog with your boyfriend ;)

 _HeereIsHere:_ Who even uses "snog". What are you? A british teen from 1880

 _LightsDramaChris:_ I wished! At least I could have met Hamilton if I was

 _LightsDramaChris:_ Besides, don't act like you don't want to, or maybe you want to do more than that~

 _HeereIsHere:_ I am so leaving now!

 _LightsDramaChris:_ Be safe! Use protection!

 _HeereIsHere:_ CHRISTINE!!!

HeereIsHere stopped messaging LightsDramaChris

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed the fic even though it was mostly Jeremy finally figuring out his feelings.  
>  Anyways, if you got any suggestions/prompts/critics/requests, the comments are open for you to type em there~  
>  Or! you can go [harass me on Tumblr ](http://sarcasticfallenangel.tumblr.com/). I'm always happy to talk to someone. You will gain my undying love if you talk to me there ; w ; Hope you enjoyed the fic lads, gals, and non-binary pals~


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